Wrote this a year and a half ago, but didn't hit "publish" until today....
I went to my first yoga class since being back today. The place I like had an 8:15am class and their was no way I was dragging my sorry butt out of bed to make it to that class so I went to a new place. When I walked in the bubbly instructor introduced herself and asked me if I had any injuries she should be aware of. I rattled off something about a torn stomach muscle that didn't heal well and went about preparing for class.
About half way through the class I remembered just how torn that stomach muscle really was. In fact two years ago I rushed myself to Monrovia in a taxi cause I thought I was having a heart attack or something crazy like that. One EKG at the embassy and ultrasound in some dark back office at the Sikh clinic later, we realized it was a hematoma in my abdomen...awesome. You know, because I had a job that required me to be on roads that look like something you wouldn't even recognize as a road on a weekly basis. Bouncing up and down in the back of a beat up land cruiser is REALLY good for the old stomach muscle hematoma. Then there was that ankle injury from high school that started hurting during the side angle pose. That one was pretty crazy...ankle the size of a softball at summer camp. Did I take it easy? Nope keep playing and working. Then during plank pose I felt the twinges in my back that have been some of my nearest and dearest friends for the past 12 years.
I don't mean to write all this to garner sympathy. Lord knows we all have our aches and pains. I'm no different. But the thing I realized in the midst of yoga class today is that I'm a bulldozer. A bulldozer when it comes to myself, my injuries, my heart, my life. I think that I am pretty understanding when it comes to hardship in life with other people. My encouragement to friends and family usually isn't, "Just keep pushing, you'll make it" or "Keep entering into this really difficult situation and it will miraculously get better." My responses to the hardship or difficulties in other peoples' lives usually extends much more grace. But for myself, it is all push, push, push. Hurt, injured, sad but get up and keep going Amy, keep going. Push down those difficulties in front of you and keep plowing through, for years...I can do that for years.
The thing is though, physical injuries don't heal well when you keep pushing yourself and neither does your head or your heart. I think that sometimes I don't have a choice, but when I do, I should work on resting my body, heart, mind when I need to and I shouldn't feel bad about that, like I'm not achieving the things I need to achieve. I should just rest and know that I'll run that 5k with friends next month, but this month it is time to put the bulldozer in the garage.
I went to my first yoga class since being back today. The place I like had an 8:15am class and their was no way I was dragging my sorry butt out of bed to make it to that class so I went to a new place. When I walked in the bubbly instructor introduced herself and asked me if I had any injuries she should be aware of. I rattled off something about a torn stomach muscle that didn't heal well and went about preparing for class.
About half way through the class I remembered just how torn that stomach muscle really was. In fact two years ago I rushed myself to Monrovia in a taxi cause I thought I was having a heart attack or something crazy like that. One EKG at the embassy and ultrasound in some dark back office at the Sikh clinic later, we realized it was a hematoma in my abdomen...awesome. You know, because I had a job that required me to be on roads that look like something you wouldn't even recognize as a road on a weekly basis. Bouncing up and down in the back of a beat up land cruiser is REALLY good for the old stomach muscle hematoma. Then there was that ankle injury from high school that started hurting during the side angle pose. That one was pretty crazy...ankle the size of a softball at summer camp. Did I take it easy? Nope keep playing and working. Then during plank pose I felt the twinges in my back that have been some of my nearest and dearest friends for the past 12 years.
I don't mean to write all this to garner sympathy. Lord knows we all have our aches and pains. I'm no different. But the thing I realized in the midst of yoga class today is that I'm a bulldozer. A bulldozer when it comes to myself, my injuries, my heart, my life. I think that I am pretty understanding when it comes to hardship in life with other people. My encouragement to friends and family usually isn't, "Just keep pushing, you'll make it" or "Keep entering into this really difficult situation and it will miraculously get better." My responses to the hardship or difficulties in other peoples' lives usually extends much more grace. But for myself, it is all push, push, push. Hurt, injured, sad but get up and keep going Amy, keep going. Push down those difficulties in front of you and keep plowing through, for years...I can do that for years.
The thing is though, physical injuries don't heal well when you keep pushing yourself and neither does your head or your heart. I think that sometimes I don't have a choice, but when I do, I should work on resting my body, heart, mind when I need to and I shouldn't feel bad about that, like I'm not achieving the things I need to achieve. I should just rest and know that I'll run that 5k with friends next month, but this month it is time to put the bulldozer in the garage.
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